A Friend is Like a Novel, and Vice Versa

I cringe every time I hear someone say, "I don't read novels" or "I hate novels" or something else equally embarrassing. I cringe because most people who say this don't even know they are embarrassing themselves. It's like someone who says "I hate politics" or "I am not interested in politics" and continues to complain on end about the poor leadership and the corruption in government.

When I hear someone say that, I often just smile and shrug. I am not so hard on such people because I was once like them. Non-fiction was my thing. I once believed that no truth could ever be found in fiction. I once believed that novels were for teenage girls and sissies. They were for sentimental weaklings who would rather spend valuable time swooning over romatic epics set in the wild American west rather than confront the hard philosophical questions posed by Socrates, Kant and Nietzsche.

But experience is the best teacher, and it took reading a novel for me to appreciate the true value of fiction. Of course, when I began, I often read them for the thrill. The Robert Ludlums and the Sidney Sheldons and the John Grisham were captivating. The drama and the suspense was addictive, and I was hooked... for a while. But after some time, something started happening. I started noticing that the more I read these stories, the more these stories changed me.

Gradually, the characters began to morph into real people. I could see my friends in some of the people I read about. I liked some characters and hated some characters and even fell in love with a few. But the strangest discovery was that I began to see myself in some characters. No, these were not role models. They were not people I wanted to emulate or imitate. They were inadvertent mirror images of myself, and I hated them. I saw some of the things I hated in myself in these characters. I saw them use the same schemes and excuses I was using to get though life.

But I also saw something else. I saw these characters change and reform. I saw them become better people. And because I was seeing them in a story, I saw the way the transition happened - the process. Every decision, every context, every failure and every success was detailed in story. I witnessed, and I learned. Eventually, I found myself applying some of these lessons to my own life. I became a better person because I was finally able to see how bad I was in someone other than me -- plus the consequences. And I also started becoming more empathetic because novels gave me access into the private lives of the people I ignored and despised and dismissed in real life.

Through stories, I have seen capitalism in action. Through novels, I have seen existensialism applied. Stories have shown me the irony of claiming to be an atheist while living by some unwritten moral code. I have seen Christianity in flesh and blood through stories and I have also seen the perils of consumerism through stories. Stories have converted "isms" into hims and hers. Stories are better than logic because stories show that life is more than just logic. Stories introduced me to a gay friend that I would never have befriended in real life and stories also introduced me to the life and worldview of a 90 year old Chinese man.

And in learning all these lessons, I have stumbled upon something that has always been right in front of my eyes -- friendship as a classroom. Ever wondered how come we are so considerate and accomodating of our friends and not strangers? Why is it, even when a friend has committed the most heinous crime, we somehow find a justification for their action? "He was just stressed at work." "She was forced to do it by her circumstances." "He had no choice, his mother was dying at the hospital." "She was planning to return the money anyway." "He was abused as a child."

I believe that we are less harsh to our friends and we justify their failures because we have the privilege of knowing them. We know their lives, their deepest secrets. They have shared with us their fears and their failures and we get them.They make sense to us. With our friends, we have all the pieces of the puzzle that is their lives. With our friends, we have access to the pain in their heart and the sorrow in their soul, and because we know this, we treat them better.

I believe good novels, good stories, do the same thing. They give us a glimpse into the lives of people we would otherwise never befriend. Stories explain the psychopath. Stories humanize the rapist. Stories soften the macho man. Of course, stories will not make us condone bad behavior, but they will help us understand it. They will help us empathise, walk in their shoes, and extend a friendly hand to people we would otherwise shun and shame.

We cannot be friends with everyone in the world. But through stories, we can learn lessons about strangers that only deep friendships can reveal. Lessons about life and what it means to be human.